Track 05: BreakUp Song

A Pride Month Reflection on Liberation

Every love story has a breaking point.

Some are loud. Some are layered. Some are necessary.

When I wrote BreakUp Song for Testimony, I knew it would sound like a love lost. But truthfully, I wasn’t letting go of another person. I was letting go of the version of myself that tied his worth to everyone else’s approval.

The version who believed my value came from what my husband and I had built together. The one who performed for family. The one who measured success by how proud my parents might be. The one who smiled through discomfort, said the right thing, showed up polished and palatable, and called that peace.

That breakup wasn’t messy. It was quiet. Deep. Necessary.

And now I want to ask you: what version of yourself do you need to break up with?

Maybe it’s the version that only shows up partway. The one that’s beloved by your Frat, Sorors, or congregation, but still unknown to you. The version that’s always performing, always applauded, always present, but never whole. Maybe it’s the version who brings the energy, serves the people, shows up polished and dependable, but leaves your queerness, your softness, your truth in the car before walking in.

Maybe it’s the version of you who thought survival meant success. Who learned early on that blending in was safer than standing out. That approval was the same as love. That being fully seen was something to fear, not fight for.

If any of that feels familiar, I see you. And I’m not here to push you out of the closet with confetti. I’m here to hold space for you to take your time and still take the step.

Because Pride Month isn’t just about celebration. It’s about confrontation. It’s about holding up the mirror and asking, is this really me, or is this who I thought I had to be?

We are living in a time where being LGBTQ+ is being politicized, erased, and criminalized all over again. And if you’re Black, Brown, Trans, Nonbinary, or carry multiple identities, the risk is higher and the silence louder.

Which is why we can’t afford to keep shrinking.

So what do you do when it’s scary to be seen?

You do it afraid.

Not all at once. Not in a spotlight. But honestly. Intentionally. One truth at a time.

Be Gay at the family function.

Be Queer in the pew and the pulpit.

Be Trans and brilliant at work.

Be your SGL self and proud in service within your D9 organization.

Be all of you, everywhere. Even if you do it afraid.

I promise you this. The real you deserves the light. Not just the parts that make people comfortable, but the whole, beautiful, complicated, bold version that has been waiting to breathe.

That’s the same truth that pushed my husband and me to create Kingfinity Swag. When we got married in 2018, we looked everywhere for something, anything, that celebrated who we were as two Black Gay men in love. It didn’t exist. So in 2019, we created it ourselves.

What started with a few tees turned into a brand rooted in pride, culture, and joy. We didn’t wait to be included. We built our own lane.

In 2020, we carried that energy into creating the Kingfinity Pride Flag. A flag that centers those too often erased. Baby pink for Trans women. Baby blue for Trans men. Pure white for Nonbinary and Gender Nonconforming folks. Black stripes at the top and bottom to honor and protect Black LGBTQ+ lives. Brown stripes for our Latin siblings whose contributions are often ignored.

We didn’t create this flag to replace the rainbow. We created it to tell the whole story.

Because that’s what Pride should be about.

So if you’re still holding on to the version of yourself that keeps everyone else comfortable

If you’re still waiting for the timing to be perfect or the people to be ready

If you’ve told yourself that survival is enough

This is your moment to write your own BreakUp Song.

Break up with the fear that told you your truth was too heavy

Break up with the silence that felt safer than freedom

Break up with the lie that you have to earn your place in this world

Ask yourself:

• What version of me have I been performing instead of living

• What parts of me have been waiting for permission to be seen

• What would it look like to tell the truth, even if I have to do it afraid

You don’t need to be fearless to be free.

You don’t need to be loud to be valid.

You don’t need to be all the way out to be worthy of love.

You just need to know this: your existence is sacred. Your truth is enough. And your journey, in whatever stage it is, is nothing to be ashamed of.

You are not too much

You are not a burden

You are not broken

You are becoming

And when you are ready to take up more space

When you are ready to let go of what no longer serves you

When you are ready to be fully seen

Know that you do not have to do it alone

You are held

You are loved

You are home

That is Pride

And that is power