Track 02: Making a D.I.S.T.I.N.C. Change

I wanted to call this blog post He’s Back, but that’s literally the title of my last entry. Go read it when you get a chance lol.

For the last 12 weeks, I’ve been going through the process to join Men of D.I.S.T.I.N.C., Incorporated. Let the record show: being off social media since February (only allowed to post for business purposes) kicked my ass. But I’m thankful I was essentially sheltered from the chaos that is our current government.

However Comma, what got me through it was doing it with my Husband.

First, let me give a little background.

Growing up, I was surrounded by Greek Life, specifically Black Greek D9 life. My father pledged Alpha in the early 80s. My grandmother, godmother, several cousins, aunts, and friends are proud members of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. My grandfather was an active member of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Incorporated until he passed.

Along the way, I’ve built friendships and kinship with SGRhos, Ques, Zetas, Kappas, Iotas, and AKAs. I didn’t just grow up respecting their service. I admired their presence.

After a lot of SOUL searching, I joined Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Incorporated. On the surface, they seemed to represent what I aligned with: diversity, humility, progressiveness, and a focus on community service over elitism. They didn’t appear to rest on toxic masculinity or their achievements alone.

But once I got in, I quickly learned that Sigma, like many traditional Black families, has layers. Some members are progressive. Some are conservative. Some cousins love you unconditionally. Others, like those homophobic uncles, will judge your truth while staying silent about their homeboy cheating on his wife or the family member who’s inappropriate with children.

Let’s just say I expected some tension being an openly Gay and Married man. I just didn’t expect it in the ways it showed up.

I’ve always had a heart for service, and growing up in a family of educators, I had no choice but to value education. The part I craved beyond scholarship and service, though, was brotherhood. Like Taka “Scar” Johnson once said, “I always wanted a brotha.”

But the truth? I received more love and brotherhood from Frat brothers in other cities, states, and regions than I did from my own chapter. Why? Because my authenticity and how I show up challenges their insecurities and definitions of masculinity.

And that’s not just a Sigma problem. It’s a D9 fraternity problem. Still, knowing it’s widespread didn’t make it any less painful.

Some brothers are so bold in their opposition that they straight-up tell Sigmas who identify as anything other than straight to go create something of our own so we don’t “taint” their frat.

It’s heartbreaking when something you wanted so badly and thought you finally found turns out not to want you back as your full, authentic self.

So, I did what I’ve always done. I researched. I searched for an organization that would not just accept me, but celebrate me. Not a closeted version of me crafted for someone else’s comfort, but me.

Back in 2023, I learned about Men of D.I.S.T.I.N.C. I was immediately drawn to their rich history and commitment to service. I expressed my interest, but at the time, the chapter hadn’t had a line in a while. I waited patiently for my opportunity.

At the start of this year, I stumbled across another opportunity through a different chapter. I went to their mixer and instantly fell in love with the chapter, their warmth, and their hospitality.

After the mixer, Hubby and I talked, as we do about everything, and it turned out the process piqued his interest too. I let the intake chair know, and by the following weekend, we both had our interviews. We made line together.

My Husband was now my Line Brother.

The wild part? Hubby had already seen the ins and outs of this kind of process. He watched me go through my Sigma process and was, in every sense, my Sigma Sweetheart. He made sure I was good. He supported me. He even paid for our post-crossing reception since the chapter had no plans for one.

He also saw how heartbroken I was when I realized the chapter I joined wasn’t going to show up for me the way I needed them to, or the way I had shown up for them, time and time again.

So to see him take a risk with me and step into MOD for himself? That made my heart smile.

So here I am, twelve weeks later, standing on the other side of a journey that changed me. Not just because I joined a new organization, but because I found a space that didn’t just need me for my graphic design and branding skills. It celebrated all of me. A space where I could be a Husband, a Line Brother, and a whole-ass human without shrinking myself to fit, all at the same damn time.

What made this journey even more meaningful? I didn’t walk it alone.

There’s something powerful about going through something mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strenuous and coming out on the other side with your person by your side. My husband didn’t just support me from the sidelines this time. He jumped in with both feet. He stepped into a world that once only knew him as “my plus one” and showed them the brilliant man he is on his own terms.

Watching him flourish in this space, knowing we crossed together, wear the same letters, and share this brotherhood? That’s a kind of Black Joy I’ll never forget. We’ve been partners in love, life, business, and now, Brotherhood.

Major shoutout to The Award Winning Dallas Metropolitan Alumni and Professional Chapter

And if you’re reading this, holding onto hope that there’s a space where you can be all of who you are, this is your sign. Your people exist. Your place exists. And you deserve to be fully seen, affirmed, and loved.

This post isn’t about bashing Sigma or D9 Frats, because I’m still a Sigma to the core until the day I die. It’s about speaking truth. Someone out there is wondering if they’ll ever find the kind of belonging that doesn’t come with conditions. I see you. I was you. And I promise, there’s more out there than you’ve been told to settle for.

Hubby and I made a D.I.S.T.I.N.C. change together because we’re done playing small. We’re done asking permission to be whole.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s time you do too.

If you want to know more about Men of D.I.S.T.I.N.C., visit our website:

https://mod81.org

Shoutout to my LBs, DP, ADP, and all my DMAPC Family! #OhToBe

#MenOfDISTINC #MOD #DMAPC